The Sniper
by Iellix
Summary: Don't let the title fool you--this is funny! A handful of snipers has everyone trapped in Cid's shop for over a day with no access to the outside world. Will they survive it? Rating for language, just to be safe!


Why am I writing this? No, really, someone explain to me _why the hell I am writing this!!_ Who knows? Maybe I'm just nuts. It runs in my family, ya know. Anywho; don't let the title fool you—this is actually comical. It's set some time after the Heartless are gone, and things are returning back to normal. (I use "normal" in a relatively loose sense.) People are starting to slip and take it a little _too_ easy. A handful of snipers have everyone trapped inside Cid's shop for over a day, under fire whenever anyone leaves the building. The character, Zephyr, I added for fun. She works for Cid as an assistant, and is loosely based on Radar from M*A*S*H. An' she doesn't get along with Leon/Squall/whatever the hell ya wanna call him. And I brought Sora in, too, just for kicks.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Squaresoft and Disney do. So don't sue me, cuz I dun got the money to pay it. I used this idea from a M*A*S*H episode by the same title. So it's not entirely my idea. Don't hurt me.

The only Final Fantasy game I've played has been FFVIII, and I only played a bit of it. My facts are wrong and I know it. Ah well.

                                                                                                            ~*~

A girl of fifteen grunted irritably as she hauled Gummi parts into Cid's shop. She stopped to rest before she pulled them into the back.

          "Cid! Hey, Cid, I'm back! Where'd you want these?" No answer came. She frowned and leaped up as high as she could to pull the ladder down to the Item Synthesis shop. It came sliding down with a loud "crash." There was a feminine gasp and a few incoherent whispers. Obviously not Cid. Zephyr climbed the ladder a few rungs so that she could see into the shop.

          "Who's—oh, it's you," she turned to see Cloud, cape off and clothes slightly askew. Aerith stood behind him, equally mussed. It was no mystery what they had been doing.

          "Hello," Zephyr said bluntly. "Either of you lovebirds seen Cid around here anywhere? Or at least, do you know where he went?" She pushed herself up and sat with her legs swinging on the side of the trapdoor.

          Cloud sighed, agitated. He wanted this girl to go away and leave Aerith and him in peace. "No, I haven't seen him and I have no idea where he went. I don't even think he was here when I got here."

          "All right," she turned and went back down the ladder. "Oh, by the way," she called back up. "Ya might wanna take it back to the hotel with that before someone walks in, and you're further along than you were when _I_ barged in on you." Without another word, she dropped from the ladder and struggled to put it back up, cursing her height. She waited around in the Accessory Shop for a while longer, hoping that Cid would come in, but she left eventually, hearing several loud "thud" sounds from the room above her. She wrinkled her nose and pushed the doors open into the First District.

          Just as she walked out, Cid pushed the other door open and walked in. She turned around immediately and followed him, stopping right near him as he turned around and yelled, "Zephyr!" He noticed her in front of him and jumped back, startled. "Dammit, girl, don't come before I call you!"

          "Sorry, sir," she said. Then she pointed to the Gummi parts. "What do you want me to do with those?"

          "Sort them, find the good ones. The ones we have too many of you can put in the back in storage, but make sure you don't go tipping crates over like you did _last_ time."

          The girl nodded and went through the Gummi parts while Cid went through the pile of papers that were on his desk. "Zephyr, where did this come from?" He picked up a paper that had a return order printed on it. "What's this for?" The girl frowned, and put down her work. She took the paper and read over it.

          "That's to return last weeks shipment from the Sixth District," she explained.

          "They sent all those paintball guns by mistake?" He asked, searching for a pen. "Zephyr, could you—"

          "Here you go, sir," she handed him a pen, which is what he was about to ask for. "Yes, the paintball guns. They came in the same order as the goosefeather pillows. Initial there."

          "If the Sixth District doesn't stop screwing up my orders, I'm taking business elsewhere," he grumbled. He handed the papers over to Zephyr.

          "Sign here, as well, sir," she told him.

          "Why?"

          "Well, you sign there because it means that you initialed here instead of signing," she told him. He raised an eyebrow.

          "This gets too confusing," he looked through the papers, frowning. "I'm getting way too old for this." He got up.

          "Sir?" Zephyr asked.

          "I'm going to the hotel. I'll be back later. You can have the rest of the afternoon off. But when I come back, it's back to work," Cid turned and left. Zephyr followed, looking for Yuffie. She was someone to talk to when she got bored, only lately she had been conveniently disappearing at the same times that Leon went to "practice." Of course, he never said _what,_ exactly, he was practicing… Zephyr went to the Green Room door and knocked. Yuffie's voiced sounded from inside.

          "Who's there?"

          "It's just me, Yuffie. Open up." She went for the handle, only to find the door locked. She snorted. "What're you doing in there? Is Leon in there with you?"

          "No!" The ninja said, a little too quickly.

          "Sir, your door is locked. You're doing something you shouldn't," she stated flatly.

          "Ma'am," she corrected, still not opening the door.

          "What?" She called through the door, getting annoyed. "Sir, let me in. Leon's in there with you. I can tell."

          "No he's not," she protested through the still-locked door. "And it's ma'am!"

          "Then where is he?" Zephyr pounded her fists—hard—on the door.

          "He's not here!" Leon's voice roared from inside the room, but Zephyr didn't notice that it was his.

          "Yes, ma'am!" She skittered away like a scared mouse. Inside, Leon, leaned back against the wall with a hand over his eyes.

          "She is _impossible."_ He stated.

          Yuffie giggled. "I know. It's the first time she's ever called me 'ma'am' and it wasn't even to me." Leon's cheeks flushed. Quietly, he went to the door and peeked into the hall. He breathed a sigh of relief: Zephyr was gone. He never got along with her, probably because she dueled with words better than anyone else he knew. "She's gone."

          "I'll never understand why you hate her," she told him.

          "I don't hate her. I just don't like her, either." He sighed. "I'd better go before she tells everyone we're in a locked hotel room together." Yuffie nodded, regrettably, and started out to door. Leon grabbed her arm and kissed her forehead before they went their separate ways: Leon somewhere else in the hotel, and Yuffie out into the Second District through the back door.

          She jumped down onto the roof, and then swung onto the pavement, heading to the secret waterway where Leon usually practiced. When she reached the gate, she didn't bother opening it; she slipped between the bars. She was surprised to hear sounds from further inside. With the greatest caution, she got closer for a better look, then smiled to herself. Sora wouldn't hurt a fly. Unless that fly had the Heartless symbol on it somewhere. He was throwing pebbles into the water.

          "Sora!" She called. The boy jumped, picking up the giant key he held: the Keyblade. She bit her lip, then giggled helplessly.

          Sora frowned. "Yuffie? That you?" He asked, walking over.

          "Yup!" She wondered how he had gotten there, but decided not to ask. "How've you been? Are Donald and Goofy here, or didja come alone?"

          "I guess I've been fine," he looked down at his shoes and scuffed the ground. It was evident that he had not found his friends, Riku and Kairi, yet. "But Donald and Goofy are letting me stay here for a little while. They had something to do, but they wouldn't tell me what it was."

Yuffie and Sora had walked along the moderately busy streets of the Second District until they came back to the doors to the First. "Want to go see Cid? I'm sure he'll be glad to see you," Yuffie offered. Sora immediately agreed. The girl gave one good shove at the door, and at that moment, someone collided with them.

          "Watch it!" The voice was irritated and familiar. It was Zephyr. "Oh, hi, Yuffie. I thought you were 'alone' in your room." She hid a grin as Yuffie blushed. Then her gray eyes fell upon Sora and they narrowed dangerously. Yuffie didn't notice this.

          "Nah, I'm out here now."

          "Obviously," Sora muttered.

          "Well," Zephyr took a deep breath, "now that we have _that_ established—" she looked right at Sora. "Who the Hell are you?"

          Taken slightly back by this, he snapped his eyebrows together. "Hey!"

          Yuffie sighed and started to explain. "Zephyr, this is Sora. Sora, this is Zephyr. She works for Cid."

          "Charmed," she said dryly, putting out a hand to shake. "Yer name sounds familiar. Where've I heard it?"

          "Kingdom Hearts. The Keyblade Master," he replied with some amount of cockiness in his voice.

          "Ah, that explains a lot more than it doesn't. So where were you headed? Anywhere good?" She asked. "More importantly—anywhere with food that maybe I can go?"

          "We were going to Cid's shop to say hello," Sora told her.

          "Well, he ain't there. He left before I went to look for you, Yuffie, and he's still not back. I dunno where he went and he didn't tell me when he'd be back."

          "Then why'd you leave?" He asked.

          She shrugged. "Got sick of hearing Aerith and Cloud upstairs. We can go back, though. There's a chance they might be gone. 'Course, there's always _me_ to talk to if you get bored. Or are you not that desperate?"

          "You aren't that bad," Yuffie protested.

          "Leon hates me," Zephyr stated plainly. "Not that I blame him—I dun like _him_ that much, either. It's a mutual detestion, guess."

          "'Detestion'?" Sora repeated. "Is that a word?" Zephyr thought for a minute.

          "I dunno. It is now." She motioned for them to follow her. They walked through the First District and came to the Accessory Shop. Zephyr fumbled with some keys until she found the right one. The shop was dark and silent. Cloud and Aerith had probably taken their activities elsewhere. "Empty still," Zephyr said to no one in particular. "No use hanging around here, I guess."

          "Well, I'm not just gonna hang around here… I need to walk or something," Sora said. "I've got Gummi Fever."

          "Doncha mean 'Cabin Fever'?" Yuffie corrected.

          "Nope. I've been on a Gummi for three days without much leg room." He sighed. "Wanna go for a walk?"

          "Sure," Yuffie said, just as Zephyr shook her head, locking the shop back up. "Aw, why not?" The older girl asked.

          "Dunno. I just like being by myself sometimes. You know that," she said. "See ya later."

          About three minutes later, after she had rounded a corner, something made a loud "bang" and something metal ricocheted off of the wall she was standing near. On instinct, she dove to the ground and waited. Another shot hit the wall way above her head. The first thing she thought they might be were Yuffie's ninja stars.

          "Yuffie!" She ran with her head low. She caught up with her and Sora. As she ran, another shot nearly clipped her in the rear. She rolled on the ground and ran to find Yuffie. She was not far from where she had last seen her.

          "Yuffie, you idiot!" She screamed. "You know you almost _killed_ me!"

          Profoundly confused, she asked, "What're you talking about?"

          "You're throwing those ninja starts again!" She yelled in her face. "Haven't you been told _not_ to throw those things where there's people?" Zephyr demanded to know. "Gimmie those things before you actually _hit_ someone!"

          "She didn't throw anything!" Sora said in Yuffie's defense.

          "Then what—" Zephyr began, but another shot hit the ground in front of them before she finished talking. She and Yuffie dove to the ground and covered their heads while Sora looked confused.

          "What was that?" He asked.

          "A sniper!" Zephyr hissed. It took a minute for this to register in Sora's mind. Another shot missed him by a mile, but took him out of this stupor.

          _"A sniper?"_ He shrieked like a girl and he, too, hit the ground. Numerous other shots fired rapidly all around the First District, aimed at people for no apparent reasons. One shot put out the "I" in the Item Shop sign and the three little ducks, Hewy, Dewy, and Luie, squabbled frantically to get inside, throwing their lunches up into the air and climbing into and over each other to get into their building.

          More shots put a few more of the lights out. Parents picked their children up off the streets and ran into buildings. A few people tried the door to Cid's shop, only to find it closed. People at the café dropped what they were doing to hide under tables, then run to the doors the to Second and Third Districts to get home and be safe.

          Sora was gnawing his fingernails off. "Yuffie," Zephyr tapped her shoulder. She gave her the key to the shop. "Take Captain Panic here and get back to Cid's shop. If anyone needs to hide there, let 'em."

          Yuffie nodded, then asked, "Wait—where're you going?"

          Zephyr turned back to look at her as the ninja dragged Sora up. "To look fer Cid, of course. Go on, quick!" There was another shot, and Zephyr dove to the ground, right into a puddle. She spat the dirty water out and made a mad dash into the crowds of hysterical people.

          "What's this all about?" Sora asked as he and Yuffie ran into the Accessory Shop, locked the door behind them, and flipped on a light. Yuffie put the key into her pocket and leaned against the door, as if she thought it might hold shut better that way.

          "Your guess is as good as mine," she replied. She glanced out the window. The streets were almost completely deserted except for the last few stragglers dashing here and there to get to a haven.

          "What're we gonna do?" Sora whispered.

          Yuffie got down and sighed. "I don't know. Wait. Hope something happens. It's all we _can_ do right now."

          "Why don't we go out looking for him?"

          "Because we don't know how many there are, or what they're doing here. There could be more than one. We just don't know. Safer to stay inside until we know a few more details."

          Sora frowned. "How're we gonna find details if we're in here?"

          When she couldn't answer that, she snapped, "Shut up."

          Meanwhile, Zephyr went looking for Cid as the last of the people found hiding places. Having given up her search, She slunk behind pillars and walls, on her way back to the Accessory Shop. The sniper, or what might have been one of several snipers, was shooting at her as she went in zigzag lines and diving behind anything big enough to conceal her. She made a mad dash for the door to the First District and shut it just as a shot hit the wood. She sighed heavily, only to have more shots aimed at her. She rolled and dove into the dark Item Synthesis shop. She slammed the door and sat by the wall until she got her breath back. Then she flipped on the light.

          "Hey!" Cloud yelled, sword drawn, and Zephyr found herself wondering, not for the first time, how he managed to carry something that big around. He saw who had barged in and lowered his weapon. "Why're you always barging in on us at the least opportune moments?"

          "Because I'm a qualified pain-in-the-ass, that's what I do, that's my job," she spat. "For goodness sake, you guys, have you not _heard_ what's been going on outside? Or are you still in your own little world?"

          Aerith spoke. "We've been stuck up here for some time. The downstairs Accessory Shop door is closed and we don't have the key. Someone walked in, and when Cloud went out to get help, someone was shooting at him."

          "That's Yuffie and Sora!" Zephyr said. "Come on, down the ladder." She kicked the trapdoor open, sliding the ladder down, hoping that neither Sora nor Yuffie were under it.

          "Guys!" She didn't even bother with the ladder. She just leaped down and landed on her feet. Yuffie was huddled by the door with Sora. "What're you doing there?" She had a horror-stricken look on her face.

          "Hiding," Yuffie admitted.

          "Trying not to get killed," Sora added.

          "That's not a good place to do it! If the sniper aims at the door, you'll get hurt!" The younger girl shoved them both away and looked out the window. "Things aren't well."

          "Obviously!" Cloud snapped, helping Aerith down the ladder. When she was down, he set her on the floor. "Look, there's snipers surrounding most of the entire town. We have no idea how many or what they want. And Cid is missing."

          "He's trapped in the hotel showers with Leon!" Yuffie supplied the necessary information.

          "What a way to go," Zephyr muttered. She got up and went behind the counter, taking out her keys and looking for one specific one.

          "What're you doing?" Cloud asked.

          "Desperate times call for desperate measures," the girl replied. She opened a wall panel, revealed a locked glass case. Inside were several bottles of liquor, scotch, rum, beer, and anything else with alcohol in it.

          _"Where did you get access to all of that?"_ Cloud roared. A sniper had heard that, and shot at one of the windows. It shattered and everyone inside who wasn't down already hit the floor.

          "Cid gave me the keys. He told me not to let him have the key to the liquor cupboard because he didn't like what happened every time he drank, but he figured it was best if I didn't know where the cupboard was."

          "Then how'd you find out?" Sora asked.

          "If you tap on the walls with a hammer, it'll make a solid noise if it's just a wall, but it make a dull noise if there's a hole or something." She unlocked the cabinet and Yuffie slammed it shut.

          "Give me that key!" She demanded. The girl clutched it to her chest protectively.

          "This is mine. Get your own!"

          "Zephyr, you're too young to drink!"

          "Says who?"

          "Says me!"

          Several shots hit something metal outside. The lights flickered, and everyone froze until they stopped.

          "All right," Cloud stood on the counter. "Everyone calm down. We need to stay here and not let anyone in or out until Cid and Leon can be de…shower…ized." He frowned at his own choice of words.

          "Who put you in charge?" Zephyr snapped.

          "Shut up, Zephyr!" Sora told her. "He's right. We've gotta stay here until we can figure out a plan."

          "What kind of a plan? All we can do right now is hope we don't get killed!"

          Arguing began, voices melding together and becoming totally incoherent. There was more shooting outside, and everyone got dead quiet and dove to the floor again. Cloud had a longer fall than everyone else did—he was still standing on the counter. When they thought it was safe, they got back up again.

          "I'm going nuts… if anyone needs me, I'll be on the roof, baying at the moon." Zephyr slowly stood up. Everyone thought she was kidding, until she climbed the ladder into the Item Synthesis shop.

          "You idiot, get back down here!" Yuffie made a grab at her leg, only managing to take a hold of her jeans. The other girl took one hand off of the ladder to pull half of her jeans back up onto her hip.

          "If it weren't for my belt, you'd've pulled my pants off," she announced bluntly. Then there was _more_ shooting—more than ever. Someone was running outside, and trying to get into the shop. No one moved. They were all immobilized from fear. It was so quiet that it didn't even seem like anyone was breathing. Then it stopped.

          "Is anyone here besides me still breathing?" Sora asked. Everyone shushed him.

"So what do we do now?" Aerith asked softly. "The snipers are right outside."

          "Isn't it obvious?" Zephyr asked. Everyone stared at her. She sighed, saying, "We surrender."

          _"What?"_ Cloud yelled, standing up and towering over the small girl. "You're crazy!"

          "No, I'm not," she retorted.

          "Do explain," Yuffie said.

          "Look, we've got nothing of material value—the snipers really don't want us, there's something else they want, but Cid and Leon are still trapped. If we surrender, there's a chance we can get them here safely."

          "And if something goes _wrong?"_ Yuffie asked. "May I remind you that we are _women,_ Zephyr, and what kind of guarantee do we have in regards to the possible, numerous, horrifying violations of our bodies?"

          "What kinda guarantee do you want?" Sora asked.

          "Shut up!" Cloud snapped. "Zephyr—"

          "Here you go, sir, a white flag," she thrust a makeshift surrender flag into his hands—a pillowcase on a wooden rod.

          "How'd you know I was gonna ask for this?" Cloud asked her with a look of disbelief on his face.

          "Dunno." She opened the door a crack and peeked out. "Okay, go on," she whispered. Cloud slipped out the door, timidly holding the flag up.

          "If I die out there, I'm going to _kill_ you, you understand?" Everyone crowded to the door, watching Cloud outside. Everything was calm for a while—maybe it was working. Someone had breathed an audible sigh of relief—and a sniper shot at Cloud. He stopped walking and fell over. For a second, everyone feared he'd been shot. Then he jumped up and ran faster than anyone thought he could and knocked three of them over getting back into the Accessory Shop.

          Panting, he leaned on the door. Aerith dashed over the fallen—Yuffie, Sora, and Zephyr—to inspect him and make sure that he was in one piece. "Are you all right?"

          "I'm fine, Aerith." His eyes were closed and his face was pale. He was shaken to his foundations, but, in all, he was all right. 

The door upstairs opened. Everyone froze. Someone—no, two people—came walking into things and over to the trapdoor. They realized too late that the trapdoor was already open and the ladder was down. Two men came falling down, knocking Zephyr onto the ground. There was much cursing and growling until Leon dragged himself out from under the pile. He'd been standing upright for not two seconds when Yuffie knocked him over onto the floor. They stayed there, lip-locked, until Cid yelled at them to stop.

          "Been trapped in the showers?" Aerith asked.

          "Yes. It was Hell." Leon sat up as much as Yuffie would let him. His hair was wet and his clothes were stuck to his body, probably because he had put them on before he was completely dry.

          "Any idea how many snipers are out there?" Cloud asked.

          "At least four," Cid replied. He sighed heavily. "I'll be upstairs if anyone wants me." He ascended the ladder, and that was the last anyone saw of him for a while.

          Everyone stayed on the floor, too scared to get up for fear of being shot. Even Leon, normally cool, collected, and somewhat distant, clung to a terrified Yuffie as she sat with her head on his shoulder.

          Time passed. No one knew how much, but boredom was starting to gnaw at everyone. The seconds ticked by slower. They'd all lost track of time. Out of the blue, Zephyr said:

"A wondrous creature is the germ,

Though smaller than a pachyderm.

Its' customary dwelling place

Is deep within the human race.

Its' childish pride it often pleases

In giving people strange diseases.

Do you, my poppit, feel infirm?

You probably contain a germ."

[A/N: The Germ, by Ogden Nash] 

          "What is this? Are we gonna have poetry down here now?" Leon asked irritably. Sora, looking somewhat dazed, started reciting one.

          "There once was a lady from Kent, who took off her—"

          "Easy does it, Sora," Zephyr said.

          The boy sighed. "Fine." Then he began a different one.

"An epicure dining at Crewe

Found a rather large mouse in his stew.

Cried the waiter, 'Don't shout,

And wave it about!

Or the rest will be wanting one, too!'"

[A/N: I 'ave no idea where that one's from. But it ain't mine, so don't sue me.]

          Leon groaned. Yuffie opened her mouth to add one, but he covered it. "Don't you start, too." She smiled in spite of herself.

          "There once were two cats of Kilkenny

          Each thought there was one cat too many.

          So they fought and they fit,

          And they scratched and they bit,

          'Till (excepting of nails and the tips of their tails)

          Instead of two cats,

          There weren't any!" Zephyr finished her poem. [A/N: Again, I dunno whose it is, but it ain't mine!]

          Aerith began one, now: "In—"

          _"ENOUGH!"_ Leon roared. Shots rang out outside again. He pushed Yuffie flat against the floor as everyone else also got down. A window shattered, sending glass fragments everywhere. There were numerous metallic "KANG" noises as bullets struck something metal outside. The lights dimmed, flickered, and, finally, went out. The shop was plunged into darkness, but, at least, the shooting had stopped.

          Sora pointed his Keyblade at the fireplace (or so he thought) and muttered, "Fire!" Instead of lighting a fire in the fireplace, a wooden chair burst into flames. Zephyr grabbed it and threw it into the fireplace before it could burn anything else.

          "You idiot, watch where you point that thing!" She scolded. The fire threw off some light in the shop. It was just barely enough to see by.

          "Well, this is just wonderful," Cloud growled. "And it's pretty much _your_ fault, too, Zephyr."

          _"My_ fault?" She asked, shocked.

          "Yeah. Your fault," Sora snapped.

          "Shut up. No one asked you!" Zephyr yelled. Someone slapped their hand over her mouth as they all waited for shots from a sniper. Nothing came, and they resumed their argument.

          "He's right," Cloud said. "Just _where_ did your bright idea get us?" He ticked off points on his fingers. "The snipers are still out there. We don't have any food. We've long since lost track of time. And the power's out!"

          "Yea, but Cid and Leon are _in,_ so stop bitching." She sighed. "Surrendering bought them enough time to get in upstairs. If we hadn't, they'd've been shot." At this remark, Leon and Yuffie immediately saw her side of the argument.

          "Well, I've come to a decision," Sora announced. He went to the ladder to the Item Synthesis shop.

          "Where're you going?" Leon asked.

          "We need help. I'm gonna see if I can't get a hold of Donald and Goofy." He climbed the ladder, and went to send a message, hoping that the snipers hadn't shot out their communications. They hadn't. "Donald! Goofy, are you guys there? It's me, Sora!"

          "Sora?" Came Donald's voice. Then Goofy's, "Sora, buddy, where are ya?"

          "I'm here, guys, in Traverse Town! Look, we need help!" He said, whisper-yelling into the phone.

          "What kinda help? What's goin' on?" Goofy asked. "Who's 'we'?"

          "Me. Cloud. Leon, Yuffie, Cid, Aerith. And this crazy girl named Zephyr." He explained. From downstairs, he heard Zephyr call up, "I heard that about me."

          "What do you need?" Donald asked.

          "The town's been surrounded with snipers."

          Cid was listening in. Sora spoke again. "Cid said there hadda be four, but we dunno, there may be more—what difference does it make?"

          Pause.

          "Well—if there's something up, then it's probably going to come _here,_ too, and we're stuck down—we can't move!" Another pause. "All right. All right. Fine. Whatever you say." He slammed down the phone. Cid walked over.

          "What's the word, kid?"

          "They said that something was up, something weird, and they needed to find what it was. Tomorrow _afternoon_ is the soonest they can be here. We're on our own until then."

          "Just great," Cid rubbed his forehead with his hands. "I need a drink." He got up, then walked over to the trapdoor. "Zeph—"

          Zephyr appeared, holding two glasses. "Dammit, Zephyr, how many times do I have to tell you not to come before I call you?" Cid yelled.

          Zephyr paused before answering. "Until I listen?" He took no notice of this.

          Not noticing that she had already brought brandy, Cid told Zephyr, "Go get me a drink, please."

          She played along. "One for him, too?" She meant Sora.

          "Sora doesn't drink."

          "All right, then I won't bring his glass in." She set the two glasses down, anyway.

          "How does she do that?" Sora asked as soon as she'd left.

          "I gave up trying to find out a while ago," the older man said.

Hours had passed. It was dark and cold, and they were scavenging around trying to find things to keep them going. Everyone was getting antsy and lethargic at the same time. They were high on panic, low on morale, and ready to get at each others' throats. They had found a place for someone to stand outside and keep watch, and they were taking shifts for guard duty. Yuffie was curled into a little ball in Leon's lap; Cid was out on guard duty; Cloud and Aerith had gone into the Item Synthesis shop; Sora was shivering against the wall; Zephyr was scrounging for firewood to keep the fire going. As of then, they had burned three chairs, broken a table into sections and fed it to the flames, and thrown in a bottle of liquor, much to Cid's dismay.

          "I'm _freezing,"_ Sora said through chattering teeth.

          "Yes, I understand that," Zephyr rolled her eyes as she looked for something to burn. "You've mentioned it once or twice. Every ten minutes. For the last several hours."

          "Well, you can't talk, you've got a sweatshirt!"

          "Shut up, or _you'll_ be the next thing that goes into the fire!" She hurled a wood fragment at him and sat on the floor. Cid crawled back into the shop, sending Sora out on his shift for guard duty. The man sat in front of the fire and sighed. Cloud and Aerith, both of whom had probably gotten very cold upstairs by themselves, slid down the ladder and onto the main floor with everyone else.

          "Well…" Cid began. "I'd say things are going well." Everyone stared at him. "No, I mean… our position and all things considered—don't you think things are going well?"

          Zephyr had long since lost all color in her face and her eyes were glazed. When she spoke, her voice was thick with discomfort and pain. "Nobody's eaten in over fifteen hours, sir," she pointed out.

          "Well, that kinda goes hand-in-hand with the fact that we're surrounded by snipers and haven't had any access to any food or supplies," Cid reminded her. "But besides all that, things are going well."

          "I've got this weird metabolism, sir," Zephyr said, clenching her eyes closed as her painfully empty stomach twisted. "If I don't eat regularly, everything solid on my body turns to liquid. My shoes are full of water." [A/N: Not my line. Don't sue. It's from M*A*S*H]

          Cloud glared at her. "They are not."

          As if to prove a point, she pulled off her boots, then her socks, and squeezed about four tablespoons of water out of them before putting them back on. Cloud winced. "That's disgusting."

          "They ain't your socks." Zephyr laid down and wished that she would fall asleep and not wake up until all of this was over.

          Some time later, Cloud came back in from _his_ shift of guard duty. He looked for Yuffie; she was asleep on the ground with Leon's jacket spread over her. "Psst, Yuffie," he whispered. She didn't budge. He shook her by the shoulder, and she woke up about to scream. He put his hand over her mouth.

          "Relax, Yuffie, I'm not here for violation purposes, or to put bullets through yer skull." He said. Leon sat up, letting his eyes adjust.

          "What do you want?" He asked softly.

          "Have either of you seen Zephyr?" He asked. "It's her turn at guard duty."

          "She's not here," Yuffie groaned, laying back down to go back to sleep. Then she realized what she had said and sat bolt upright. "She's not here!"

          "Leon, come on," Cloud got up and went for the door.

          "What?"

          "Come on. We gotta go look for her. Something might've happened."

          Leon looked reluctant at first, but Yuffie handed him his jacked with a pleading look on her face. He sighed. "All right." She grinned and hugged him, then kissed him hard enough to suck his lips off. As he and Cloud walked out the door, Leon mumbled, "If _that's_ gonna be her reaction, I'm gonna do stuff like this more often…"

          "Stop thinking with your hormones." Cloud slunk in the shadows, looking for any sign of a sniper or Zephyr.

          "There's nothing out here," Leon just barely whispered. "Where could she have gone?"

          "I don't—" Cloud started to say, but as they approached the café, someone bumped into something in it. They both froze. A silhouette of a person was stumbling about inside. "Sniper," he mouthed. Leon nodded. "Come on." Cloud pulled on his arm.

          "What?" Leon whispered.

          Cloud turned back at him, annoyed. "Look, _we_ know he's in there, but _he_ doesn't know that _we're_ out _here,_ which gives us a damn good chance to catch him."

          "Or he catches us, whichever way it works out," Leon added. He drew is Gunblade and followed Cloud to the café. The person inside was still unaware of their presence, and they slipped inside. They quietly walked closer and closer until Cloud stumbled over something, making a loud noise. The unknown person looked up, and Cloud pounced on him. Leon fired two shots from his Gunblade without thinking as Cloud yelled, "I've got him! Stop shooting! You're gonna kill someone!"

          "I didn't shoot!" Leon protested. But the barrel of the Gunblade was hot. "Yes I did!"

          Cloud held onto his captive, and Leon struck a match and knelt to get a better look.

          _"Zephyr?"_ They both said in disbelief. Cloud got off of her, allowing her to breathe.

          "What?" The girl demanded. _"I hadda get something to eat!"_

          "You idiot!" Leon hissed. "You risked your life for a—" he looked at what she was eating "—a _ketchup on rye sandwich?"_ He had a disgusted look on his face, partly because of her stupidity, but mostly because of her choice of food.

          "With butter and lettuce!" She broke away from Cloud and stood up. A sniper had obviously heard the racket and chose that moment to fire shots through the windows. They shattered, spraying glass at them. They dove to the ground, and Cloud blew out the match that Leon was holding.

          "Get offa me!" Zephyr squirmed out from under Cloud's superior weight. More shots fired, then quieted.

          "That was close," Leon whispered.

          "Yea," the girl agreed. "Too close." She took another bite of her sandwich.

          "You wanna finish that sandwich _now,_ or later, in the morgue?" Leon asked. Without waiting for her to answer, he stood and looked out the window. "Coast is clear."

          Cloud lifted Zephyr up and carried her over his shoulder like a throw rug. They made a mad dash back to the Accessory Shop, dodging bullets. Once there, Cloud threw Zephyr onto the ground and then slammed the doors shut.

          "We found 'er," Leon said plainly.

          "Are the snipers still out there?" Aerith asked, once again inspecting Cloud to make sure he was still all in tact. Leon was getting the same from Yuffie.

          "No," Leon said sarcastically. "I was running from various figments of my imagination." He snorted. "Of _course_ they're still out there!"

          "Though either situation is possible," Zephyr muttered, swallowing the rest of her sandwich. "Anyone have any idea what time it is?"

          "Sometime between ten-fifteen yesterday morning and ten-fifteen tomorrow morning," Yuffie replied.

          "How do we know it's not tomorrow, and if yesterday is still yesterday and not today, or is it past midnight, in which case it would no longer be today, it'd be tomorrow, and it wouldn't be yesterday anymore?" Zephyr asked.

          After unsuccessfully trying to decipher her words, Yuffie looked at her strangely. _"What?"_

          "We lost track of time, so is it really still today, or is it after midnight, because 12:01 would mean that it's no longer today, it's tomorrow, and even if it _wasn't_ tomorrow yet, how do we know how long it'll be until today turns into yesterday, and tomorrow turns into today?" Zephyr tried to explain, only making matters worse.

          "Why don't you start making sense?" Leon said. His head hurt from listening to her talk. Or maybe it was because he was so damn hungry. "I'm _starving,"_ he groaned.

          "We _all_ are," Aerith said. "We haven't eaten since the snipers started shooting."

          "Is anyone here dumb enough to go out and get food for everyone?" Yuffie asked.

          Cloud and Leon looked a Zephyr. "What?" She demanded. "I said I was hungry! I hadda get some _food!"_

          "Is that where she went?" Cid asked.

          "Yea, we found her in the café, inhaling food," Cloud mumbled. "How'd you get there without being shot at?"

          "I walked on the roof."

          "Would you be willing to go back and get food for the rest of us?" Aerith almost pleaded.

          Zephyr sighed. "Will you come pouncing on me?" Cloud and Leon shook their heads. "All right, but I ain't takin' orders. I'll just grab what I can get my hands on and run out. I'd rather not go through life riddled with bullet holes."

          Sora came in from guard duty. "Your shift, Leon."

          "All right. Zephyr, you come out with me. Then you can go get food," Leon said.

          "Did I hear someone say 'food'?" Sora sounded very hopeful.

          "I'm not taking orders. You'll have to wait and see what I can find to bring back," Zephyr said as she followed Leon up the ladder and out the back door.

          Once outside, she scaled a lamppost and scrambled onto the roof, taking a running start to the next roof over, and the next, and the next, until she was by the café. She slid in through a top window as she had done the last time and took ten minutes finding food in the dark, and then swiped a tablecloth to carry it all in. The bundle was big—almost too big to slam through the window. As carefully as she could, she made her way back to the Accessory Shop, where she slid down the drainpipe and back inside. She was greeted upon her return by starving people.

          "What did you end up finding?" Yuffie asked.

          "Mostly sandwiches. I pulled a lot of this stuff off of the tables." When everyone looked at her, worried, she assured them, "None of it's had bites taken out of it."

          "Yesterday's lettuce and tomorrow's bananas," Sora stated. Then he added, "No tomatoes?"

          "Well—no," Zephyr admitted.

          "Why not?"

          "I looked at 'em, and something moved."

          "Eew!" Yuffie shrieked.

          "Ah, stop complaining," Cloud said. "At least it's all edible. Just."

          All was silent for a while. When everyone had eaten as much as Cloud would _let_ them eat (he was rationing food for everyone in case they were stranded there for days), they all felt a little sleepy. Zephyr was sleeping standing up with her forehead pressed to the wall as the only thing keeping her from falling over. They were getting desperate, now—they had run out of wood, and everyone who was out on guard duty was also given the dangerous task of finding a crate or something that would serve as firewood. The sky was turning lighter as daylight approached.

"Donald, Goofy," Sora was yelling to them through a phone. "You guys _said_ you'd be here by this afternoon, and it—" he paused and covered the phone, shouting down the trapdoor, "What time is it?"

          "Way after noon," Zephyr yelled up.

          "It's after noon now, and you guys _still_ haven't shown up!" Sora was saying. Pause. "Look, I _know_ you're busy, but we've been totally immobile since… since… since I don't even _know_ how long! We're getting the worst cases of Cabin Fever ever not recorded in history, we've been surviving off of little or no food, we're out of firewood, and Zephyr's had to be dragged down from the roof _three times_ from baying at the moon—and it's daylight!" Another pause. "They're still out there—they shot out the generator just after Cid got it fixed again. We sent Leon out a while ago to see if they were still there and he came back with a bullet hole in his arm!" Pause. "No, he's fine, but if you don't hurry up, one of us is gonna go through life looking like a head of Swiss cheese!"

          Downstairs, Yuffie was draped over a sofa like an overcooked spaghetti noodle. "Sora still arguing with Donald and Goofy?"

          "Yea," Zephyr said. She rolled onto her back—and right off of the counter that she was laying on. She hit the floor with a crash, but she just stayed there, too tired to get up. "This is Hellish. We're gonna be stuck in here forever with only each other's company for the rest of eternity."

          Leon sat up. "Don't even _joke_ about something like that!" He said, his voice completely serious. Zephyr started listening in on Sora's conversation again.

          "—if you can't tell me what you were doing, then the _least_ you can do is find a way over here! We're running out of supplies fast!"

          As he spoke, the doors to the world opened, and a Gummi sailed in, firing lasers at the sources of the sniper's bullets. Everyone was in the windows, watching. Cloud opened the door a crack, and people piled on top of one another to see out. Eventually, the firing stopped and everything was quiet. The Gummi shut down, and the door opened—out stepped Donald and Goofy. From upstairs, Sora was yelling, "Don't you hang up on me like that!"

          "Sora, look outside!" Yuffie yelled. The boy looked out the window, then dashed down the ladder and out the door.

          _"Finally_ you guys decided to show up!" He was saying. His voice faded as he walked further from the rest of them.

          "You think they hit 'em?" Yuffie asked.

          "I think they hit 'em and then some," Zephyr said. "Hey, Aerith." Aerith looked over at her. "Grab all the potions you can carry, blankets, and bandages, and follow me."

          "What?" She did as she was told, but didn't go past the door. "You can't be serious about helping them!"

          "They were firing on us for a day and a half—why don't we just leave them?" Leon spat.

          "Because that would be totally barbaric," she headed out the door. Aerith followed, asking, "Do you know what you're doing?"

          "No, not really," Zephyr admitted. They managed to find all five of the snipers—four young men and one woman—and brought them into a hotel room to be treated and patched up. They were in bad condition, but all of them were going to survive. A few days passed, and things were getting back to being screwed up the way it was.

          Zephyr got into the Accessory Shop and crashed on the sofa. Cid was behind the counter, talking with Leon, and Yuffie was cleaning up some of the mess of ashes left by the fire they had kept burning for all those hours. Cloud had probably been working on fixing holes in the generator, because his clothes were a mess, Sora was pacing back and forth, and Aerith was reading something in a corner.

          "They're doing pretty well," she announced before anyone could ask. She grabbed a piece of paper and started folding it.

          "So what's the word?" Cid asked. "Why were they shooting at us?"

          Zephyr sighed. She threw a paper airplane across the room. "They're just a bunch of babies—none of 'em older than seventeen. They're from some little, tiny town not too far from here," she sniggered a little. "Yer not gonna believe this—they thought—they thought that this was King Mickey's Palace!"

          Sora's mouth dropped open. "Yer kidding!"

          "No! And one of 'em _still_ thinks so! He went under the Sleep thinking they were gonna be the most famous people in all of Saldad." At seeing the look on her companions faces, she explained, "That's where they're from."

          "Sora, where'd Donald and Goofy go?" Yuffie asked him.

          "They went back to finish what they'd started," he said. "I guess they really don't want me knowing what it is," he sighed and leaned back to the wall. "I guess it's just as well. I don't mind being here so much anymore, just as long as we aren't trapped inside for days on end."

          "I dunno," Cid said. "It's not like we can't say we didn't have _some_ fun, not even once."

          Everyone picked something up and hurled it at him.

                                                                                                  ~*~

Well, that's a rap, people. Please review if you read it, because it's taken me four days to write this—it's _sixteen pages long!_ So if you liked it, review! Even if you _didn't_ like it—please review! Ahem… that is all.

P.S: I have another story up, called "Shadows." Read, please?

P.P.S: Some of you might be a bit upset about the theme of this story because of the events that happened in Virginia and Maryland a few months ago, and you might be thinking, "How can you be so insensitive—I bet no one there thinks it's funny!" Well, I live right in the middle of where it all happened, and for the entire time it was happening, my school was on a lock down. So I'm not being insensitive. It's just fun to poke fun at life's happenings.                               


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